met·a·mor·pho·sis / medəˈmôrfəsəs
~ a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means (Oxford Dictionary)
Life is always changing… and nature is a good reminder that change can be messy and still okay. You, me, schedules, expectations and perspectives… things are never constant.
Last I connected, I was heading out on a wonderful adventure. I had a lovely time taking in new things and experiencing from a new standpoint. I even felt I brought some of those fresh eyes back into Edmonton life upon my return, really seeing the beauty of everything blooming around our city - apple trees and lilacs making the air smell gorgeous and then the rains bringing a sense of green freshness to everything around. I love the shift from spring to summer with its burst of colour, but when change doesn't mean sun and warm, it is not always easy to welcome.
Sometimes I want to capture time and hold it still so things stay the same. But, it is also amazing to witness change and development. With my work, I have the privilege of often seeing people in the 'messy middle', the uncomfortable space where we are trying something new on, and it doesn't feel quite right. Some of us can get quite self-judgemental in this space, questioning why we don't adjust quicker or why recalibration feels hard. But, change is always hard, even if it is change we are inviting.
In our home, for the second year in a row, we have been seeing the wonder of transformation as we played host to a group of caterpillars. Before our eyes, the caterpillars began as minuscule grains, plumped up greatly, chrysalized, then emerged as butterflies which we released this week. The project is an effort to help the butterfly population, but even more, has felt like an opportunity for learning about nature, and the change that so inherently is part of it. Sometimes it has been messy, but it is also so cool! We have experienced the wonder of hearing flapping so loud it sounds like fingers racing on a keyboard. And, we have had some sad moments this time around, with one butterfly unable to fully emerge and learning that it's life cycle ended nearly before it began and another who didn't learn to fly.
Perhaps it is because of the butterflies, or the time of year with school coming to a close... but I have been very aware of my kiddos growing and changing, and, that I am changing too. I am very different from the person I was a year ago, let alone several years back. Some of you who I have the honour of seeing more regularly have heard about the tangible life changes in real time, but other's may not know; over the past number of years, I have separated, divorced and have lived solo with my two kiddos for several years. I have a new partner and, together with the kids, we are navigating the messy, new, complex and beautiful changes life continues to bring. Of course, Miss Nibby is always there happily wagging her tail and reminding us to stay present.
As things continue to evolve, I need to transform myself and my choices too. So, this summer, I will be taking off the first two weeks of July to be with my kids, friends and family. And, this fall, I will be adjusting my schedule to accommodate for both kids being in school full time, so I can drop them off and pick them up daily. As of September, I will be working Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays 9 am - 2:30 pm, as well as Fridays 12-2:30 pm. I know for some, the loss of my later Wednesday appointments will be a challenge, and I will do my best to accommodate within my new availability, but also have wonderful colleagues lined up who I can refer to if need be - just let me know.
Thanks for your patience as I enter yet another version of myself. I am in your corner if you would like to explore having new versions of yourself emerge. I hope we can be kind to ourselves and remember that, just like the butterflies, we sometimes get mushy and messy before we can take flight.
Hope to connect soon,
Deepika